you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
