I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
