My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
