I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
third nipple confirmed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
