dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
