He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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