The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
