It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
