and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
