Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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