At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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