Whoa Z and x make the same sound
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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