New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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