I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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