I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
