We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
