anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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