hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
