Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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