ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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