I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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