i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
