i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
