last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
