i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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