you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Randomize
