that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
