New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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