Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
