what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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