i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
