i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
