Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
