This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
