East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
