If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
