First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
