Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
