VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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