I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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