I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
