what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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