my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
