Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
