youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
