Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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