The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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