We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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