Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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