i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
