i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
