Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
