I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He shit in the fireplace
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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