So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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