Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
