No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
